I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
