I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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