I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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