the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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