i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
