i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
