Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
