he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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