my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
