I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
