if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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