Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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