when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i came on her dog
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
