I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
