he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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