i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
