so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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