I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
