i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
