I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
