My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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