So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
