I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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