So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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