Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
They took my balls.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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