Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
