he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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