The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
