I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
