Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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