Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize