im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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