I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
