dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize