At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
