we're blogging at a bar
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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