I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
