I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
