Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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