Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
