she smelled like a LAN party
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
