I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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