i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
