I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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