Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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