do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize