9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
