I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
