I need help removing her.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
