I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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