mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
