to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he puts the penis in happiness.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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