So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
