Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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