I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
