im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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