I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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