I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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