If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
