you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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