Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
