With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We need to get me chipped asap
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
