I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
