yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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