I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
