I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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