I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
