weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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