Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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