It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
