I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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