I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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