Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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