i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
