who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
