i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
