it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize