Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
