do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
