as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
