Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
