my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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