I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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