I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
