she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
