So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
