y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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