i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
