That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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