I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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