Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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