Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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