I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
