I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize